Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
