I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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