halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
