I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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