sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
