Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
