I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
