yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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