Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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