just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
