there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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