Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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