It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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