My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
