i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
