Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
