Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
