a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's paper in my vomit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
