Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
