oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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