She is in my trunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
