my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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