so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize