Cold hands, warm shart.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
