I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
