did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
