I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
wow bdsm is so cute
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