I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
