Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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