I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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