This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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