I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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