You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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