You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
