he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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