I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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