bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
