My balls are so social today.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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