I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
