If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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