I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
