Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
