Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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