My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
