I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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