Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
