Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
