Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
