you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
