Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
