good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
