Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
