Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
