I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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