yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
