the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
